Recognizing Suffering
background reading
Read through these resources to give you some background on why it is important to be able to recognize suffering in others.
As you read through these resources, please remember that compassion is an action word. While recognizing suffering is a necessary step, compassion is not enacted until we do something to help relieve suffering.
As you read through these resources, please remember that compassion is an action word. While recognizing suffering is a necessary step, compassion is not enacted until we do something to help relieve suffering.
It “Sucks”… Authentic Expression of Pain
Michelle L. Torigian
March 22, 2013
Yes, to some of you, the word “sucks” is edgy. Some will find this word and even this post offensive. I hope others find grace in the way they express themselves. My intention is not to offend but to help people find words for their pain.
On Thursday’s Grey’s Anatomy, a school teacher was dealing with her ill health. This was a teacher whose students very much viewed her in high regard and missed her when she wasn’t in class. She would correct her students when using certain terms, like “sucks.” But when her students left the room, it was her time to process the terminal cancer diagnosis. In verbalizing her pain and health challenges, she couldn’t help but use a certain word: ”We don’t say ‘sucks.’ But this sucks.”
Growing up, my dad always hated the use of the word “sucks.” So it wasn’t a term we used very often. Somewhere in the back of my head, I still think of the word as derogatory language.
But I wonder if limiting ourselves of the words we use to express our deepest pain is doing us an injustice, especially if we use them in safe spaces. Maybe authentically expressing our grief or pain is what we need to continue moving forward or to process our grief. Maybe this includes using terms like “this sucks” because, frankly, nothing is closer to the truth when we hurt.
Click here to read more
Michelle L. Torigian
March 22, 2013
Yes, to some of you, the word “sucks” is edgy. Some will find this word and even this post offensive. I hope others find grace in the way they express themselves. My intention is not to offend but to help people find words for their pain.
On Thursday’s Grey’s Anatomy, a school teacher was dealing with her ill health. This was a teacher whose students very much viewed her in high regard and missed her when she wasn’t in class. She would correct her students when using certain terms, like “sucks.” But when her students left the room, it was her time to process the terminal cancer diagnosis. In verbalizing her pain and health challenges, she couldn’t help but use a certain word: ”We don’t say ‘sucks.’ But this sucks.”
Growing up, my dad always hated the use of the word “sucks.” So it wasn’t a term we used very often. Somewhere in the back of my head, I still think of the word as derogatory language.
But I wonder if limiting ourselves of the words we use to express our deepest pain is doing us an injustice, especially if we use them in safe spaces. Maybe authentically expressing our grief or pain is what we need to continue moving forward or to process our grief. Maybe this includes using terms like “this sucks” because, frankly, nothing is closer to the truth when we hurt.
Click here to read more
Recognize Suffering in Others
March 15, 2013 By Rick Hanson
Where Does It Hurt?
The Practice:Recognize suffering in others.
Why?
We’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes
the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety
to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there
is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said,
we’ll sustain a single focus here.)
But seeing the suffering in others: that’s not so common. All the news and
pictures of disaster, murder, and grief that bombard us each day can ironically
numb us to suffering in our own country and across the planet. Close to home,
it’s easy to tune out or simply miss the stress and strain, unease and anger, in
the people we work, live – even sleep – with.
This creates problems for others, of course. Often what matters most to
another person is that someone bears witness to his or her suffering, that
someone just really gets it; it’s a wound and a sorrow when this doesn’t happen.
And at the practical level, if their suffering goes unnoticed, they’re unlikely
to get help.
Plus not seeing suffering harms you as well. You miss information about the
nature of life, miss chances to have your heart opened, miss learning what your
impact on others might be. Small issues that could have been resolved early on
grow until they blow up. People don’t like having their pain overlooked, so they’re
more likely to over-react, or be uncharitable toward you when you’re the one
having a hard time. Wars and troubles that seemed so distant come rippling
across our own borders; to paraphrase John Donne, if we don’t heed the faraway
tolling of the bell for others, it will eventually come tolling for thee and me.
Click here to read more.
March 15, 2013 By Rick Hanson
Where Does It Hurt?
The Practice:Recognize suffering in others.
Why?
We’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes
the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety
to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there
is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said,
we’ll sustain a single focus here.)
But seeing the suffering in others: that’s not so common. All the news and
pictures of disaster, murder, and grief that bombard us each day can ironically
numb us to suffering in our own country and across the planet. Close to home,
it’s easy to tune out or simply miss the stress and strain, unease and anger, in
the people we work, live – even sleep – with.
This creates problems for others, of course. Often what matters most to
another person is that someone bears witness to his or her suffering, that
someone just really gets it; it’s a wound and a sorrow when this doesn’t happen.
And at the practical level, if their suffering goes unnoticed, they’re unlikely
to get help.
Plus not seeing suffering harms you as well. You miss information about the
nature of life, miss chances to have your heart opened, miss learning what your
impact on others might be. Small issues that could have been resolved early on
grow until they blow up. People don’t like having their pain overlooked, so they’re
more likely to over-react, or be uncharitable toward you when you’re the one
having a hard time. Wars and troubles that seemed so distant come rippling
across our own borders; to paraphrase John Donne, if we don’t heed the faraway
tolling of the bell for others, it will eventually come tolling for thee and me.
Click here to read more.
How to Help a Friend or Family Member with a Sick Child
Kelly Morris, Yahoo! Contributor Network
May 14, 2012 "Share
Many years ago, I worked for a hospice, providing home health care for
people at the end of life. Some of my patients were children, and as you might
imagine, having a seriously ill child is one of the most difficult things a
parent can ever experience. Friends and family members wanted to help but often
weren't sure what to do. Over time, I put together a list of things people can
do to help a friend or family member with a sick child. Of course, all families
are different and will have different needs and preferences, so all of these
things will not be helpful to, or appreciated by, everyone. However, these are
some things that many of the families I worked with found most helpful.
Offer to bring dinner for the entire family one evening. Ask about any
dietary restrictions before planning the menu; obviously it's not helpful if you
bring food they don't like or can't eat. Bring food in containers that you don't
need to get back, and include paper plates, plastic utensils and paper napkins
so there will be no dishes to wash afterward. If you're not into cooking, that's
all right; sometimes I would just pick up some sandwiches at a local deli.
Offer to help with a specific task. Parents with seriously ill children are often overwhelmed with work, but some people find it difficult to ask for help. If you say, "Please let me know if I can help with anything," they may not know what to ask for. Instead, ask if it would be all right if you come over on Saturday to mow the lawn or if you could pick up some groceries for them when you do your shopping this afternoon. If it's Christmas time, you might ask if you could help decorate a tree, but make sure to promise to come over after
the holiday to take the tree down, as well.
Click here to read more
Kelly Morris, Yahoo! Contributor Network
May 14, 2012 "Share
Many years ago, I worked for a hospice, providing home health care for
people at the end of life. Some of my patients were children, and as you might
imagine, having a seriously ill child is one of the most difficult things a
parent can ever experience. Friends and family members wanted to help but often
weren't sure what to do. Over time, I put together a list of things people can
do to help a friend or family member with a sick child. Of course, all families
are different and will have different needs and preferences, so all of these
things will not be helpful to, or appreciated by, everyone. However, these are
some things that many of the families I worked with found most helpful.
Offer to bring dinner for the entire family one evening. Ask about any
dietary restrictions before planning the menu; obviously it's not helpful if you
bring food they don't like or can't eat. Bring food in containers that you don't
need to get back, and include paper plates, plastic utensils and paper napkins
so there will be no dishes to wash afterward. If you're not into cooking, that's
all right; sometimes I would just pick up some sandwiches at a local deli.
Offer to help with a specific task. Parents with seriously ill children are often overwhelmed with work, but some people find it difficult to ask for help. If you say, "Please let me know if I can help with anything," they may not know what to ask for. Instead, ask if it would be all right if you come over on Saturday to mow the lawn or if you could pick up some groceries for them when you do your shopping this afternoon. If it's Christmas time, you might ask if you could help decorate a tree, but make sure to promise to come over after
the holiday to take the tree down, as well.
Click here to read more
When your child’s friend is sick
by Sue Wagner on
August 24, 2012
The close friend of one of my kids has been sick.
Very sick. We’re all worried and praying and hoping, but it’s all very up in the
air and scary right now. We’re doing everything we can to support the family,
but I’m also worried about my child. This is heavy stuff. I’ve been doing a
lot of thinking and talking about how to prepare him for his friend’s serious
illness. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Be honest. Give an age-appropriate assessment of the
situation. Don’t sugar-coat it. It doesn’t have to be scary, but you can let
your child know that it is serious. Kids KNOW when you are worried. If you say
one thing, but your actions say another, your child will be confused and
worried.
Read More...
by Sue Wagner on
August 24, 2012
The close friend of one of my kids has been sick.
Very sick. We’re all worried and praying and hoping, but it’s all very up in the
air and scary right now. We’re doing everything we can to support the family,
but I’m also worried about my child. This is heavy stuff. I’ve been doing a
lot of thinking and talking about how to prepare him for his friend’s serious
illness. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Be honest. Give an age-appropriate assessment of the
situation. Don’t sugar-coat it. It doesn’t have to be scary, but you can let
your child know that it is serious. Kids KNOW when you are worried. If you say
one thing, but your actions say another, your child will be confused and
worried.
Read More...
watch this video about the difference that knowing people recognize your suffering makes
This is his original video.
It is difficult to watch.